I am aware that this is very much overdue but better late than never at all. It has been rather hectic the past few days, ironically not because of Hari Raya but becuase I was busy coaching two orphans from Darul Ihsan for PSLE. They have improved quite a fair bit since I first started with them so I am not about to let all that hard work go down the proverbial drain.

Ramadhan this year has been the best so far in my whole life. I felt that this year, I was absolutely focused and driven to better myself. One of the miracles that I bear witness was how I was able to still function adequately and not fall sick despite sleeping for only about 4 hours a night for 30 straight days. Normally, I would have come down with at least a bad cold after a week.

I can only cherish memories of Ramadhan this year and continue with the impact that Ramadhan has had on me. I pray that I Allah grants me his Grace on me and allows me to welcome and live Ramadhan next year.

Mr Muneer shared with me this video today.

This is definitely a very subtle reminder for me and all of us. Just how have we treated our elders? Have we done anything to hurt their feelings and try to pass it off as something that was done in their best interests?

For all of us who are married, I think that we should do what is right for our parents and for the guys, our in-laws are like our parents as well so they should not be treated any differently. Handling elders require a lot of tact, and I pray that we are not like the guy in the video.

What do you think? And yes, Selamat Hari Raya.

Wassalam.

Link to The Author’s Pen can be found on the Visit These column on the right. Look for My Writings.

In the Name of Allah, the Beneficient, the Merciful

O God, I implore to You to be the Witness on my declaration that this is Your scripture revealed by You to Your Apostle, Muhammad ibn Abdullah, may God bless him and his Household, that is Your speech, pronounced on the tongue of Your Prophet, whom You made Your guide for Your creatures and a tie between Yourself and Your servants.

O God, what I open is Your testament and Your epistle. O God, hallow my act of looking into it, and make my reading of it and act of contemplation, and make my contemplation therein educative. O God, make me one of those who take lesson from Your counsels and refrain from disobeying You. Do not close my inner ear as I read it, nor draw a curtain over my inner eyes. Let not my reading be one that is devoid of contemplation. Make me one who contemplates over its signs and prescriptions and follows the laws of Your religion. Let me not be negligent as I study it, nor let my recitation of it be mere babbling. Indeed, You are the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful.

Ameen.

It has been 8 days since Ramadhan started and this is my first post. I have been keeping myself busy with translating Ayat Ayat Cinta into English and I have been making some progress. I intend to use it as a da’wah tool for English speakers about love and relationships in Islam as well as gender roles from an Islamic perspective. Pray for me that I succeed in my endeavour.

Ramadhan has thus far been a good experience for me and I feel that I am able to further appreciate the significance of the month with the guidance of some of my colleagues at Madrasah Al-Irsyad. I have absolutely no regrets teaching there. The school has been good to me.

I went to Geylang Serai to accompany my wife to the baking supply shop there. Next stop was the bazaar to get some goodies to munch on later. I do love going to Geylang Serai, just to soak up the atmosphere. However, while soaking up the atmosphere, my iman is really tested. The myriad of food and drinks being one. Witnessing people eating, drinking and smoking openly is another. Not looking at the opposite sex, many inappropriately dressed, is also a challenge. Wanting to preserve the sanctity of my fast, I walk with my head down most of the times and almost causing accidents on some occasions.

I suppose I will still go  to Geylang  Serai , but just for a specific purpose. I can still smell the fragrant smell of “dendeng”. This year it costs $4 per 100gm, up from $3 last year. I think I will go again today.

Typically, Teacher’s Day celebration would be a day for me to take medical leave and sulk in private. I hated the idea of a celebration because I never felt like teaching was something I wanted to do. So why celebrate me? I also wondered why should teachers be celebrated and honoured only on that one day in a year?

I suppose my being a teacher was to fulfill my late mother’s wish made sometime in 1996, when she suffered a relapse of cancer and was slowly wasting away. All that time I was with her during her hospital stays and appointments. It still hurts to think of it. She passed away in 1997, 5 days short of my 20th birthday. I had an ugly episode with her days before she passed away and I did not have the chance to seek her forgiveness.

I did not do very well for my A levels because I did the wrong course of study and I was not motivated to do well. Universities would not accept me. Only Ngee Ann Polytechnic would offer me a place to do a diploma in computer studies. Then my 4th application to NIE was accepted. I was offered a salary while undergoing teacher training and the rest is history.

I suppose that is all it was, teaching was just a job. I lost focus and purpose in my work and finally in 2006 I resigned. I taught in a special school for autistic children in 2007 and still it was not what I was looking for. I quitted and tried to look for a job in another industry other than teaching. I couldn’t even get a job as a clerk.

Somehow, I had two job offers. Both were teaching positions. One at Al-Irsyad and the other in an Indonesian school in Medan. I chose Al-Irsyad, despite the low pay. Something deep in me told me that there is a lot more to gain by being in Al-Irsyad.

I was given form teachership of Secondary 1 Itqan and the first few months were depressing. I felt that my pupils hated me and I felt very unmotivated. Then I stopped to take stock of my position. I realised that I had been carrying too much of negative energy in me that it affected my speech, mannerisms and thought. I knew my kids hated me and they pined for their previous form teacher who resigned to emigrate with her husband.

I’d love to think that I would have made some difference to the lives of my pupils. Munir has been punctual, Shaliza has been coming to school regularly. In semester 1, there wouldn’t be a time when she would come to school for 14 consecutive days. I can see that everyone is putting in more effort in their studies even though results are not there yet. I can see people stepping forward to shoulder responsibilities willingly. I am very happy with the class attendance. It has improved tremendously. I pray that you will all continue to improve.

I would like to thank Sec 1 Itqan for the memorable Friday. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for making your teacher feel human again. Thank you for making me cry and feel loved. Special thanks goes out to these people who have touched me the most : Insyirah, Zulaikha, Nisa’, Sharliza, Faiqah, Aisyah, Munawwarah, Husna, Tengku, Munir, Syafiq and Najiha.

That was the initial plan until I walked over to my colleague’s workstation and I saw a DVD sitting ‘pretty’ on his notebook, every pun intended. It was “Ayat-Ayat Cinta” and the cover had the picture of two of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. One was essentially uncovered while the other was covered in Arab- Muslim dress, face covered leaving only the eyes. Masya-Allah, those eyes. They haunt me.

I sought permission from the owner to borrow it and had to endure numerous good-natured ribbing from my other colleagues who thought that I had suspiciously gone soft to even want to watch it. I will provide the synopsis and analysis of the story in another post.

I ripped the movie and then proceeded to watch it in private. I only got to watch 20 minutes of it before Friday congragational prayers. Prior to the ritual of Friday evening soccer matches at my school, I watched the next 30 minutes or so of the movie before finally completing it later that night at 1 am together with two other teachers who were staying back for a school camp.

From that day onwards, I have watched the movie for a grand total of 10 times. Every time I watch it, I seem to learn something new about the movie, beyond the superficial theme of polygamy. Opponents of Islam would have a field day nit-picking about that point but my opinion is that you are blind to the truth if that is the only thing you can see. Of course, those eyes…those eyes.

I was told that the book in Bahasa Indonesia is excellent. I really wonder if some kind soul could lend it to me for some time?

Dear God, I can hardly cry…I cannot shed a tear the way I used to be able to, to relieve myself of my sorrow. I feel the stress, I feel the sadness growing like a diseased tumour in me, yet I am unable to cry. Instead I feel that my heart has become almost as cold as steel, tampered by my unending trials and tribulations.

Dear God, I bear witness that the trials that I am experiencing are your trials and I am being tested for reasons beyond my comprehension. I can only ask that I be given the patience and the means to see through my trials. At the same time, I have my fears and I pray for comfort, my Lord. You are my Comforter. I have lost the affections of people around me, those who once profess love for me. Please do not forsake me and deprive me of your blessings and love. My Lord, forgive me for my sins and transgressions against you and please allow me to seek redemption. You have given me the steely determination to see me through my trials and I thank you for that gift but I seem to have lost the ability to love.

Dear God, I am typing this after my prayers for I seemingly cannot say anything without feeling but I can feel what I write. So I hope that you would not mind me doing this.

I hope that my small request for you to bequeath love and affection back into my heart is not too much for me to ask.

Before I end, once again in Allah’s name I seek forgiveness, redemption, comfort and protection. There is no God worthy of worship but Allah and Muhammad s.a.w is His messenger. To those, I bear witness.

I am frankly quite enamoured with the theme of love right now. It’s just that I could not find that object of affection to coax the words out of me. The ideas are growing, but I just cannot pen the words down.